A Beginner’s Guide to Emotional Healing: What’s Actually Helped Me Change

I didn’t really think about emotional healing until life forced me to.

It started after the end of my first long-term relationship. Looking back, the relationship had been unhealthy for a long time—but when it ended, something shifted in me. I realized I had played a role in how it got that way. Not by causing everything, but by staying in something that wasn’t right. I had to ask myself: What in me was drawn to this in the first place?

That was the beginning.

Why Losing Weight and Leaving Didn’t “Fix” Me

For years, I thought if I could just lose weight or get out of a bad relationship, I’d finally feel whole. But even after those things happened, I still felt like something was missing. That’s when I realized I’d been carrying around a really negative view of myself—and no external change was going to fix what I hadn’t dealt with inside.

Emotional healing isn’t about quick fixes. It’s about deep, honest work.

My First Tools: Books, Sweat, and Real Feedback

The early part of my journey was full of trial and error. I started working out more regularly and devoured self-help books. Both helped, but real growth came when I started listening to the people around me—really listening.

Their feedback helped me see my blind spots: where I was reactive, avoidant, or still holding onto old stories about who I was.

What I Had to Quit to Move Forward

One of the most transformational steps I took was quitting alcohol, cigarettes, and marijuana. These weren’t just habits—they were ways I avoided pain and discomfort. Letting go of them forced me to sit with myself fully. And as hard as that was, it’s what cracked everything open and allowed true emotional healing to begin.

Therapy: The Core of My Emotional Healing

Therapy showed me the root system underneath everything. I began to understand how the way I was raised—what I learned, how I protected myself—was still running the show in my adult life.

Once I saw that, I could choose something different.

Getting started with therapy can feel intimidating, but it was one of the most life-changing decisions I’ve made. For anyone navigating relationship wounds or personal growth, having a consistent space to unpack your experiences matters. Online therapy platforms like Regain make it easier than ever to access support, especially during seasons when showing up for yourself feels hard.

“Be the buffalo.”It’s the mantra I live by now. When buffalo sense a storm, they run toward it—so they get through it faster. Most animals run away, only to get stuck in it longer. Facing pain head-on has taught me that the faster way through is through.

The People Who Helped Me Heal

No one heals alone. My path has been shaped by a job coach from years ago, conflict management training, my therapist, and my partner Jerry—who is on a parallel path of growth. Each of them has helped me reflect, process, and keep moving.

Some relationships didn’t survive my growth. Some evolved. Others were born because of the person I’m becoming. I’ve learned I no longer want to spend long stretches of time with people who aren’t also doing their own healing.

What Emotional Healing Looks Like For Me—Today

Today, emotional healing means taking full accountability. Every interaction—whether good or messy—I ask myself: What was my role in that?

It also means accepting that I have blind spots and asking people I trust to help me see them. That’s not always easy. But it’s always worth it.

I try to make decisions that serve my future self, not just what feels good in the moment. Emotional healing, for me, is about choosing long-term growth over temporary comfort.

When Healing Feels Invisible, Zoom Out

Growth doesn’t always feel dramatic. Most of the time, it’s subtle—slow. There are days I wonder if I’m even changing. That’s when I remember something someone once told me on a trip to Estes Park, Colorado:

“When in doubt, zoom out.”— A manager at an art gallery, Estes Park

Zooming out helps me see how far I’ve come. It reminds me that all these little steps matter. One day at a time, they add up to something bigger.

Final Thoughts: Start Where You Are

If you’re just starting out on your own emotional healing journey, know this: you don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need the courage to be honest, open, and willing to grow.

Start small. Stay committed. And be the buffalo.

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Molly Ancel and Jerry Anderson are Minnesota-based real estate investors helping homeowners overcome financial challenges with flexible solutions. Former business professionals, they now focus on empowering families and strengthening communities. Learn about how they help at peerpointmn.com.